Prayers would be appreciated

Hey guys! I know of a few of you, my readers, who have expressed sympathy and promised to send prayers our way as a result of the health problems my wife and I are both having. But I wanted to put out a request for prayers in our behalf for an additional reason.

Due to some very imprudent and downright stupid financial decisions I have recently made, we are in deep trouble. Most of the problem has been the result of our December Tithing and Fast Offerings somehow being processed twice through the online system. That was a bad enough problem. But we also were dropped from what dental coverage we had, and I got us set up with a new dental plan. Ordinarily, that would not be a problem. But being the naive and rather stupid person I have always been when it comes to impulsive financial decisions, I somehow neglected to consider our lack of resources and arranged for automatic payments from my bank account this month. Because I forgot to delay the start of our coverage until next month when we would have the resources to cover it, and because I had neglected to tell my wife that an automatic payment would be processed from our account, when the payment came through today, it resulted in our maxing out anything we had left of our already meager resources.

I am disgusted with myself for my stupidity, imprudence, and idiocy. The result of my folly is that we have absolutely nothing left for the holidays. So instead of spoiling my wife as I hoped to do, I have to wait to do that until next month.

It seems we are always impoverished beyond belief round about Christmastime each year. I think it was my first year blogging that, in response to my post about our financial destitution, someone anonymously sent us enough money to get us through the holidays to my next paycheck in January. I would love nothing more than to find that another Christmas miracle of that sort bails us out. But I have a notoriously bad habit of not doing nearly enough to keep us in good financial condition, make imprudent financial decisions, and then expect someone to bail us out of a situation that is solely and completely my fault and doing. I can't do that anymore.

Thankfully, we may be okay. I signed us up for food assistance with the state a long time ago, and my monthly allowance for that comes tomorrow. And in the meantime, if we do need anything, we do have access to funds from a PayPal credit line my wife was able to get for us solely on the basis of her good credit history. This will help us get what we need for the holidays. As for my own credit history, it's been tanked by the fact that I applied for and was given a line of credit with my bank, but have struggled to get it paid off. In fact, because we haven't been able to pay it off and have had to withdraw any such payment right back out again within days of putting it in, my bank doesn't have enough faith in my ability to pay it back and won't grant an extension of those resources.

My unemployed status and the fact that I get less than $800 dollars per month from the government does not lend itself to paying off our continually increasing amount of debt, including the Paypal. We just get anything partially paid off only to find ourselves increasing our use of these resources. And now, with the holidays approaching, we will once again have to tighten our belts.

I am just brutally honest enough to admit that most, if not all, of our problems stem from my financial imprudence and from the fact that I didn't work nearly as hard as I should have to retain the first and only job I've ever had, and that I have been too ill lately to look for another job, let alone actually working one. I feel in so many ways as though I am constantly running up a brick wall. And it doesn't help the hopelessness of my situation to realize and acknowledge that my wife is suffering the most from what amounts to my lack of a sufficiently committed work ethic, and my continual selfishness in believing and asserting that I am too sick to work another job, assuming I could even find one with any degree of sufficient swiftness. This is especially true in light of the fact that my wife almost risked her own life just to keep us going by working the only job she could get for the first two years of our marriage.

For all I have made her suffer through for the entirety of our marriage, and especially for the enormity of my most recent blunders, I think that I despise myself. And it absolutely kills me to realize that, not for the first time, my wife won't get a proper Christmas until January at the earliest, thanks to my stupidity and lack of foresight.

Because of all of this, in addition to the health issues we both are suffering which I outlined in that previous post done in the very early hours of this morning, prayers are desperately needed and would be so very much more appreciated than I can ever express or show. Thanks for your readership, interest, support, and prayers.